I see you Mama

I see you mama, wondering if you are cut out for this, for motherhood. Questioning every decision… every move… every breath.

I see you mama, the sheer exhaustion behind that new mom smile. Your eyes are bloodshot and swollen, your cheeks stained from tears. You long for just one hour, hell even just 20 minutes, of uninterrupted sleep.

I see you mama, the look of failure in your once joyful eyes as you helplessly try to rock your baby back to sleep. You cringe every time your baby makes a tiny noise or the slightest movement, because you know that they will be awake soon and you haven’t had even 5 minutes to recover.

I see you mama, fighting back the tears as you kiss your gorgeous little one goodnight and wish them sweet dreams and quietly tiptoe out of their room. As you gently close their door, the breakdown starts.

I see you mama, frantically flipping through baby books, scouring the internet and reading every mom blog trying to find the answers to why your baby has a rash, sniffle or won’t sleep. You spend countless hours researching, pulling your hair out and thinking the worst, only to be told that this is totally normal.

I see you mama, glancing at your baby monitor every 30 seconds just to make sure your precious tiny human is still breathing.

I see you mama, the debilitating fear that you are doing it all wrong. Comparing yourself to other moms on social media, wondering how they are holding it all together while you are so overwhelmed with it all.

I see you mama, struggling to reignite that pre-baby flame with your partner, when you can’t even stand to look at yourself in the mirror. You long to feel beautiful again and to look in the mirror and appreciate all that your body has been through.

I see you mama, yearning for friendship, feeling cut-off from the world. Motherhood can be so fucking isolating.

I see you mama, struggling to hold it all together, when all you want to do is give up. Being told by everyone that what you are experiencing is “normal”, it’s just first time parent jitters or that it is just the baby blues and it will pass soon.

I see you mama, putting on a fake smile and telling everyone that you are ok because you don’t want to burden anyone else with your feelings of utter failure, guilt and shame or be judged.

But, I also see you mama, fighting back the tears of immense joy as you stare in awe at this beautiful tiny human that you created. Wondering how you can love someone that you just met so immensely.

I see the strength of a mother that can conquer anything life throws at her.

I see you mama and you are enough, you are worthy and you are all that your baby needs.